dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
