Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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