ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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