I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
