If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
