so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
