youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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