I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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