I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
