i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
