you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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