On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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