i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
