Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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