There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
