i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
