I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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