I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
