You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
