Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize