a search helicopter?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
