Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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