I heard we made out
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
