How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
