yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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