i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this is an emotional support booty call
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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