Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
