So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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