You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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