on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
