Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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