there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize