i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
