Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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