Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
