Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
