we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
