I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
