Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize