After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
a search helicopter?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
