A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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