woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
