Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Less talking, more tequila
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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