Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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