How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
