I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
