If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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