How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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