She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize