some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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