I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to have your abortion
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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