his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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