and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
