i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she peed on how many people?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
