Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
