It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he thought i was a dude.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
