I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
