Are we in a gay sports bar?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
