I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i drank out of a bidet.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
