So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
