Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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