I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize