We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
