You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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