She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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