U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
