Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
