i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
