It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
