Don't you send me to vm
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
