There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
