barbara walters just said penis...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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