And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
