They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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