lets start a swedish sibling band together
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize