She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
