dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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