THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
