even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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