My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
