i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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