I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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