Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
