I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
