no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
