you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
