She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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