Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
