But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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