after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize