My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OPIZZABONMYDICK
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
