there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize