currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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